Hemp Tycoon

Ugh. I fucking HATE these stupid social games on facebook. They're poorly-encoded flash games that serve no purpose other than pestering your friends (LIKE ME) with shit they don't care about. And by pester, I don't mean they leave it to clutter their feed, what bugs me is when people are more or less coerced to send ME something DIRECTLY about, "Oh, help water my farm!" "Oh, feed my fish!" Probably wouldn't bug me so much if I had a decent computer, but still. It's a slippery slope I'm not willing to take. I don't wish any ill will toward your virtual fish, but if I feed yours, I might want my own, and I'm not sure if my ego could handle that.


That said, Hemp Tycoon is fucking amazing.

Adult Swim Games made it, so you know it's gonna be good. I used to hate ASG because I only like most of their TV programming as mindless enjoyment when nothing else is on that late at night (although that's not to say there's not the occasional gem on air; Moral Orel, ATHF, Metalocalypse, etc.) and I honestly thought that most of their games would be shit pertaining to their shows. Then I read about how they actually HATE that concept. And then I played Robot Unicorn Attack. Oh my god.

ANYWAY, I'm getting off track here. Hemp Tycoon is, while keeping in mind that I've never played much of FarmVille, it's basically just a huge middle finger to the game, so much as I can tell. You plant crops in both games, they're both prone to withering, and they both will get you so addicted you actually think about paying real money for these virtual crops, and then you remember that if you had the money to waste on that you'd be out playing Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor Overclocked, or Cave Story 3D, or StarFox 3D, or one of the countless other 3DS ports. But then, I'm getting off topic again.

There are two main differences I can tell between Hemp Tycoon and FarmVille, as someone who has never played FarmVille: Where FarmVille is about actually farming crops, Hemp Tycoon is, as the name implies, about growing different variants of marijuana. The other difference is that Hemp Tycoon has a deliciously tongue-in-cheek sense of humor that keeps me playing. One of the actual status updates that got posted on my wall read as such:

"Zachary Bradley just watered a plant in the Facebook game Hemp Tycoon. No, seriously, that's all the information this post has to offer. Zachary Bradley watered a plant."

Several wall posts make sure to mention the fact that you're wasting precious time with your real life by playing some dumb facebook game. I don't know why, but that kind of shit just gets me giddy as all fuck. I love it.

However, the game does come with a few drawbacks. The most noticeable thing is, well, it's a fucking facebook game. If you're like me, you're gonna kick yourself for getting addicted to such a thing. The second thing is, there's still a few glitches to it. The game IS still in beta stages, but then, I'm not so sure games like these ever leave the beta stage. Seems like last I checked, FarmVille was still in beta. However, seemingly-indefinite open beta stage games have proven me wrong before. I have a LOT of friends who love Minecraft.

Another thing I don't much care for is the sound, but then, that's just a personal opinion, and it fits the game quite well. The music is pretty much what you'd expect your typical stoner to listen to, and the whole thing seems to take a lot of influence from the whole marijuana scene. Music fits the scenery really well, and that's a good thing, it's just not my cup of tea. The sound effects fit the game really well too, but since clash with the kind of music I usually have going on, so once I've got the in-game soundtrack muted, I usually just turn that off too.

Whewh. This is probably my longest post here, so I'll cut it short here. Good thing too, my last batch of plants are about to wither.