The gears are turning.

Well, my mind is overactive tonight. Might as well aim some of that mental diarrhea over in this direction.

Christ it's cold. I really, REALLY wish I had a better heater.
My fingers are all stiff and numb. It's making typing pretty hard.
There's not much going online anyway. I would play my 3DS or something, but the cold is affecting my thumbs.
Shitsux.

I'm already finished with Super Mario 3D Land, just going through the special stages now, which are pretty cool. I plan on selling the game when I beat it. Probably gonna ask the same price as GameStop asks for pre-owned games. That way whoever was gonna buy it pays the same amount of money, but I get more. It's a no-lose situation. Except for GameStop, but they're making enough money as it is.

Guh. I really should start drawing again. I've been taking a break since about a week before Christmas, back when my family was winding up for Christmas. And then it went straight from Christmas festivities to New Year festivities. Which makes sense, but it's a pretty long and unwanted haitus. Would probably be more compelled to start it back up if I had a decent computer. This thing's a piece of shit. Really wish I had a job or something so I could get a new one.

And that's another thing. It seems like every time I talk to my family, SOMEONE has to make a big deal about how I don't have a job. And then they act like I'm not even trying. Christ, my great grandmother brings it up every. fucking. time I see her. I have no car, no driver's license, and nowhere in town is hiring. And whenever they are, the position gets filled before I ever catch wind of it. "Oh they're hiring up in Vonore." I ask her how I expect to get there? "Ya got legs ain't ya?" It takes 30 goddamn minutes to DRIVE from here to there, and she EXPECTS ME TO WALK? 20 miles, that's what, 6 hours? It would take HALF MY FUCKING DAY to walk there and back. And for the hours I'd have to work to get any amount at all worth that time, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO COME HOME. And that's assuming they'd LET me work for that long.

And that's another thing that bugs me. No one tells me shit. It could be anything. It took me 3 fucking weeks before I found out that my sister, who had been living here with me, had already started college. Hell, sometimes my dad neglects to tell me when supper's ready! I suppose it's a side-effect of living in a camper, so far displaced from the main household. Then again, that was his idea to begin with.

I mentioned my sister, and now I'm reminded of how jealous I am of her. I'm gonna sound so... I donno, I guess emo, for saying this, but I'm so tired of hearing about how everyone's so proud of her. Yeah, she went off to college, and that's great, but still, I don't see why she gets to go off to college while I just sit out in this camper WISHING I could do something with myself. But no. Instead I'm just reminded constantly of how wonderful she is and how much of a fucking leech I am. It's all because I get really introverted around Dad, even moreso than usual, mostly because I have this nagging little voice in my head that keeps telling me that some tiny little action is going to remind him that I'm gay, and he'll flip. But not her. She gets the advantage of being straight, which gives her the advantage of being able to talk to our father, which gives her the advantage of saying, "Hey, I'd like to go to college!" Which gives her the advantage of Dad saying, "Anything I can do to help?" Which gives her the advantage of asking for help. Meanwhile, I go in and I can't even find the words to give him advice on a game he's playing without the fear of sounding either fruity or nerdy. So how the fuck am I supposed to tell him I want to get to college?

Blah. I've pretty much exhausted all I care to say at the moment.

TL;DR I'm an emo faggot and the world hates me.